Always More

2018                                                                                              2016 

Every day for 2 years, I have asked God to relocate this knee. I have boldly asked for a lot regarding that leg. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no, and sometimes wait. 

This complication in 2016 sent us searching for a clinic with the resources and expertise to give her the best shot possible at regaining function. We landed a 14 hour car drive from home.

The plan given to us was a minimum 1-2 month stay while doing PT 3 times/day. My momma's heart was a MESS. Lack of sleep and postpartum hormones probably didn't help. My nightmares confirmed my deepest irrational but very real felt fears of not being needed by my littles and my husband's heart being tempted by another while I was away. Words were not comforting. My left brain knew the truth and reality but Satan knew exactly where to target me. I tried to convince myself that people do this all the time for much longer periods than we were up against and most don't get a nice warning like we did. It didn't work.

 On my 29th birthday, I committed to being in the word every day before my eyes saw a screen. It took almost 6 months for the nightmares to subside but they did. Jeremy and I enrolled in a "Marriage Innovators" class through church to place our marriage back in the front seat and prepare out hearts for distance in the summer of 2018. We didn't have major red flags against us but adding 4 kids in 3 years plus multiple surgeries when your newlyweds and in school wasn't in the "top 10 ways to strengthen your marriage" last time I checked. The knee surgery got pushed back to this fall with her last unexpected hip fracture. 

A few weeks ago we went in to see her hip progress and x-ray her knee for the 1st time in over a year to see what we were up against in the fall. Even though I can read x-rays; I don't read my kids. I cried and gasped as I looked at her new x-ray and waited for her surgeon to confirm what I knew.

Jesus said yes this time. 

He had gotten my heart to a place of total surrender where I was equipped and ready to be away from my husband and 3 other kids for an extended period of time and then He said; ok you don't have to do it right now.

Every time we go into the surgeon's office, the plan changes. We have learned to be open handed with what is next. She does have significant reduction of motion and needs multiple more surgeries but today she is playing volleyball and running on the school playground with minimal to no pain.

There are many days when I question why we invest so much in correcting this leg in this world that is fading away. And then I remember; its all for His glory. There is always more going on than "fixing a leg."