I think I am finally able to put words to the season we are in. Maybe someone can relate.
It is not goodbye but I am laying down many things I have poured myself into over the past 3 years.
A baby is a whole new ball game. Working full time while your hunny is in law school and having essentially 3 babies in 14 months is like going into over-time.
There are very few things in life I have committed to that I have stopped without having a clear, defined stopping point that was given to me (with the exception of exercise post high school but we won't talk about that... ). I finished school, sport's teams, small groups, etc.
In college, I walked away from being a Young Life leader after the trial period & it devastated me.
A few months ago, I notified my family in Ghana at City of Refuge Ministries that I needed them to find someone else for me to train to take over the sponsorship program for Portia's old school. We will be stepping off of the board for Feeding the Orphans in 3 months after a 3 year commitment to both.
My gut reaction when I realized this needed to happen was "I can't stop. That is quitting." Then Jesus quietly whispered to me (because He knows I don't handle screaming well :)...' My work will go on without you in those roles. You MUST be faithful to the ones I have entrusted you in your home first. Your husband. Your kids.' and my answer "BUT, BUT..." I care SO much for those kids. I can't let them down. They are depending on me. "
So much of it was an identity for me. I want to be wanted. I want to use my voice for these babies I care so deeply about. And I still can but I have to be faithful in my own home first.
The Lord doesn't need me to do His work for Him. But I get to be a part. Right now my part is loving the ones under my roof well.
I can't sit here and post needs and stories all day long while at home I am drowning at our pace of life.
So.. with all that said, by the end of the year, I will be stepping out of many of my formal advocacy roles. I still believe WHOLE HEARTEDLY IN ALL THE MINISTRIES WE HAVE SERVED WITH AND WOULD ENCOURAGE ANYONE WE KNEW TO JUMP ON BOARD WITH THEM- 147 Million Orphans, Feeding The Orphans, and City of Refuge Ministries.
You will still here from me often because I can't be quiet about the things God has made my heart break for but I do have a commitment first to Christ and then to the ones under my roof.