Doesn't waiting reveal our faith? Whether we are going to trust Him or not?
Convinced that I was once a patient person... I began to wonder why this adoption journey of waiting was/ is SO HARD for me... then I began to look around the world i live in...
on time + schedule + 2 lane drive-thrus + billboards with waiting times for ERs + smart phones +
high-speed internet + banking from home (or really anything from home) =
I have come to expect it, even demand it and after a gentle reminder from a coworker yesterday... I realized I am transferring that demand onto HIM. I want a timeline for our adoption. Why wouldn't I? The first question out of everyone's mouth is "When will your kids be home?" I politely answer "We don't know, I hope in the summer" while deep down, I'm screaming "Please don't ask me that again!! I have no idea!" Maybe it's because I don't want a constant reminder of the waiting or because I feel so out of control. Do I trust the promise He made to us on January 6, 2011? Do I trust that He is able to do far beyond all that we could ask or imagine? By my thoughts and my actions, the answer is no. I want it done faster, not in His time. In my time. I missed another birthday, another 1st day of school, another skinned knee, and another prayer to HIM. Everyday I long to hold them, to kiss them, to tell them I love them and then I realized I have longed for them more than I have longed for HIM.
He has whispered to me...
Be still daughter and know who I am. Turn your longing towards me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
A year after he made the promise to me, He has sealed it and so I wait.. with eyes looking up, not to what lies ahead.